Good Vibrations ... Sweet Sensations

Hi,

Here's a question for your sexual healing blog...

Why is the Hitachi Magic Wand/Acuvibe so great? How is it better than other vibes? And most importantly, how exactly do you USE it to get off?

I myself do not own and have never used these types of toys. I do own a few others, including penis-shaped vibes and also a micro-mini vibe that is really cute, pocket-sized, and surprisingly powerful for something that runs on watch batteries!

Anyway, I've heard all the hype about the magic wand before...so what's the deal? Do you actually insert that into the vagina, or do you use it externally? Please enlighten me, or perhaps even inspire me to get one!

Thanks,

nicole


Oh, honey ... where do I start?

First, the Wand and Acuvibe are slightly different. The Wand must be plugged in at all times in order to function. The Acuvibe must be plugged in to charge, but is capable of functioning without being plugged in. Just make sure to keep it charged as there is nothing worse than being ohsoclose to cumming and then you feel its power start to fade and suddenly it stops vibrating altogether. The Wand is slightly more intense: to me, the Wand's "low" feels like the Acuvibe's high. I personally prefer the Acuvibe's portability, and do not need the extra strength of the Wand.

Now, the mechanics: No, the Wand or Acuvibe themselves are not meant to be insertibles. They're for stimulation of the labia and clit. The head of the Acuvibe is perfectly shaped for this. The Wand is more a complete cylinder, but the Acuvibe has a nice little indentation that fits the female form quite well. You hold them against your clit, the amount of pressure depends on what you can take, and soon after, you give yourself a mind-blowing orgasm. Some women find the intensity a little much at first. If you find yourself to be one of those, start by using the vibe on the outside of your pants or panties, or wrap it in a towel.

Now ... here's where things get tricky. They make attachments for the Wand/Acuvibe.. And the attachments are insertible. They are marketed as Wand attachments, but they truly fit both (I've done a side-by-side experiment).



The Curved shaped attachments are for G-spot stimulation. The pink transparent and solid blue attachments are hollow on the inside of the "arm" or insertible portion. They vibrate quite nicely when the Acuvibe or Wand are turned on. I've found them to have Far more intense vibrations than any battery operated vibe I've tried. The pretty tie-dye blue curved attachment is my personal favorite. It is made of solid silicone, and seems to hug the female anatomy better than the other two. It comes complete with a little nub that rests right against your clit when the dong part is all the way inside you. Together with the internal vibrations, the effect is mind-blowing.

I have not yet tried the straight attachment, so I can't comment from personal experience, but a good friend of mine tells me she prefers it to the others because curved shaped g-spot stimulators tend to give her trouble. If you've experienced any discomfort in the past with g-spot stimulators, I would avoid the curved Wand/Acuvibe attachments ... you want to get off, not injur yourself!

Now I'm going to confuse things even MORE for you. If you're aroused enough, and have been fisted, it IS possible to insert just the head portion of the Wand or Acuvibe into your pussy. I've had this done to me on two occasions, and have to say, it is one of the most intense things I've ever experienced. Being that full, with the power of the Acuvibe or Wand not diffused through an attachment, brings 4 words to mind "Oh my fucking god".

I've never heard anyone complain about the Wand or Acuvibe ... in fact, from those to whom I've recommended them, I've heard nothing put praise and rave reviews.

I cannot speak highly enough of these toys. Let me put it to you this way: I've always been capable of female ejaculation. My former girlfriend was making me squirt pretty much weekly for a number of months, usually through a combination of intense hand or toy g-spot stimulation, with the Acuvibe on my clit. But in the last couple of months, with the Acuvibe alone, and no internal g-spot stimulation, I've managed to make myself squirt almost every time I've used it.

Reach Out & Touch Someone

Here's a fun question for ya:

I moved about 1,000 miles away from my boyfriend to take a temporary contract job, so I see him only once a month. This means I have sex only one weekend a month. I'm used to have copious amounts of sex whenever I want. Do you have any *healthy* suggestions for dealing with this until my contract is over? So far, I've been eating enough ice cream to keep Ben & Jerry's in business for decades.

Difficulty: No sex toys

signed,
PlatKat

Well, PlatKat ... First a question for *you*. No sex toys? Why not? No place to buy them where you are currently living? Too expensive? Or, do you just not like them?

If you are suffering from lack of access to affordable sex toys, you have 2 choices. You can look at the products on the sites I listed in Quick Sex Tip of the Day - Toy Stores. Or, for the truly budget conscious, you can get creative with phallic shaped fruits and vegetables (cucumbers, bananas, zucchini, several varieties of squash, etc.) or other phallic-shaped objects. Anything hard and roughly in the shape of a penis will work. Just make sure whatever you use is clean, and don't use anything that might have bits that break off inside you.

I am currently having sex at about as often as you are, and like you, am used to much greater frequency. In the past, when I've had periods of relative celibacy with infrequent sex at some sort of regular interval, it was much harder to cope with my overactive libido (I could happily fuck like 4 times a day and still be ready and willing to go again). This time around, there is something different going on. Partially it is that I have grown to understand my body much more in the last couple of years, which means I have a greater repatoire of methods to satisfy myself. But I also attribute a lot of it to my discovery of toys.

For years, I had a dildo and a weak battery-operated vibrator, but generally masturbated with my hand; clit stimulation mostly, with occasional insertion, which provided relief but didn't really satisfy the deeper craving. Having recently spent more than a year having sex almost exclusively with another woman, I grew accustomed to all manner of dildos and vibes. I was introduced to the Acuvibe, for which I will forever be grateful, and discovered the joys of a toy cock that can suction to most any surface imaginable. They may not be able to cuddle me and tell me they love me (or pull my hair or spank me or do some of the other naughty things I like) but fuck, do they make me cum again and again.

If you just don't like toys, ask yourself why not? There is nothing wrong with giving yourself pleasure. Playing with ourselves sexually is a natural human instinct. If you're going to play, you might as well use toys, right?

If you care to write back, by email or as a comment to this post, and clarify your issue with sex toys, I may be able to offer something more on that specific front.

Or maybe I'm just coming at this question the wrong way. Maybe you're saying masturbation just isn't fulfilling because you're used to copious amounts of sex with a partner, and it is the energy of the other that you are missing. There are ways you and your boyfriend can still be involved in each other's sex lives on a more regular basis, regardless of the distance.

You might try phone sex. You could listen to each other masturbate. He could tell you how to touch yourself, jerking off while he listens to you comply, or vice versa. You could describe fantasies to each other, and masturbate in unison. You could tell each other in graphic detail about last time you masturbated, what you did to yourselves, and what you were thinking about.

If you find it difficult to voice your desires aloud, consider cyber sex. Any of the vignettes I mentioned for phone sex can work via Instant Message, if both of you have private access to computers. If you're daring, and you have private internet access and web cams, you could even put on shows for each other. Again, the phone sex vignettes I mentioned could be employed over web cam to great success.

Another option to consider is an open relationship during your contract period, so that both of you are free to pursue sexual relationships with other people. This is not an arrangement most people are prepared to handle, so give it a lot of thought before discussing it with your boyfriend. If you do indeed decide to go this route, take care to establish boundaries, make sure they are clear, and communicate honestly and often. There are a lot of resources available online regarding Polyamory, the term used to describe people who have multiple intimate relationships (different from Swinging, which implies couples who swap or merely have sex with other couples/people). Reading The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt is a really good place to begin if you are going to consider a polyamorous lifestyle or relationship.

If Poly doesn't appeal to you at all, and you don't want to end your relationship (which is another option, but you don't mention being unhappy with your relationship other than missing your boyfriend and more frequent sex, so I'm not advocating that option, though it certainly exists), masturbation seems your best bet. With all the communication technology available today, masturbation does not have to be a completely solitary event.

Most importantly, try to think of this time as an adventure. Learn as much about your own body and how to please yourself as you can in the meantime - it'll make you a better lover and better able to tell your lovers what you want. Armed with self-knowledge and the willingness and ability to communicate with your lover, your sex life can only improve.

She Wears a Two-Way

In the Bowling for Soup song "Girl All the Bad Guys Want" there is a song line "she wears a two-way but I'm not really sure what that means", well my daughter asked me what that means and I have no more idea than the singer. I like to be able to explain things to my teenagers when they ask. What if I am wearing one and don't even know it???? Can tell me what the writer of the song is referring to?

Thanks, and by the way, as a much older woman you have loads to look forward to!!!

sirreene

Sirreene:

I am not familiar with the song you are talking about, but to my knowledge, Two-Way could be referring to one of two things ... and no, it's not a sex act!

It could mean that she's wearing a pair of underwear that appear to be giving her both a wedgie and camel-toe at once.

On the other hand, it could mean she has a Two-Way Pager that allows her to send and receive text messages without having to use a phone to call the person back, or one of those Mobile phones that act as a walkie-talkie as well as a cell phone.

Or it could be something else entirely, that I don't know about -- but one of those is probably what the song means by "Two-Way". Most likely, given the context of the song, it's talking about the Pager/Walkie-Talkie.

But, just in case .... make sure you keep your thongs in place!

Wait ... what gives? He can't cum?

Two questions.

Since I've gotten out of a 9 yr relationship (he was the only guy I have ever been with) , I've been excited to try new lovers! That last two guys I've had sex with have left me a little clueless though.

1.) He was 38 and when we had sex he pulled out right when he was about to orgasm and jacked himself off instead (& yes we used a condom)! ! I was left a little dumbstruck. Isn't the climax the best part (with a man) ? Why have sex with someone when you're just going to finish off w/ your hand?

2.) I have a fuck buddy now. We have a lot of fun when we have sex (3x that we have) but he has never finished! He is very attentive and can last forever but I have yet to see him climax. And to be honest, I think he just finishes himself off in the bathroom. When questioned about it...he just shrugs and says he's not that sensitive bc he drinks a lot. (Huh?) But he always has an erection. He's 23 and isn't that prime time for sex?

I'm beginning to think it's me! What do you think? Although it's not fair to compare, but in my long relationship, the sex was really good and he always finished. So I guess I expected the same. HELP!

Michelle
Well, Michelle, there's a lot going on here!

Where do I begin?

Let's address the 38 year old who pulled out and jacked himself off instead of cumming inside you. This is not at all unusual, and there can be any number of reasons. It's possible vaginal sex (with any woman) doesn't provide the right amount of friction and pressure for him to get off. Maybe he'd been masturbating a lot lately. Maybe he'd popped viagra without your knowledge. Maybe he likes to finish himself off manually every time, and that threw you off because you're used to your Ex.

It could be something as simple as the condom. Some men just can't cum with them on. I'm not sure what age your long term partner was, but it's not unusual for men who are currently in their mid-thirties and beyond to dislike condoms, or to find it difficult or impossible to orgasm in them. A 38 year old man was 18 in 1985. Depending on his precociousness, he may have been having sex for a couple of years by then. I mention 1985 because this is the point when HIV/AIDS became a huge part of our consciousness, and pretty much anyone coming of age after that was going to have the "use condoms or die" message driven into them in sex education classes, by the media etc., whereas before that, condom use was relatively low. It's also possible he'd recently been in a monogamous relationship where condom use wasn't necessary.

Imagine what it would feel like to have your pussy wrapped in latex, and to have to experience all sensation that way? It would still feel fantastic -- but muted, and you'd probably find it a bit harder to get off. Now imagine you'd had quite a bit of condomless sex. It's not a secret message he's sending you. By using his hand, he was looking out for both of you! No unwanted STIs, no unwanted babies, and he still got off, as I'm assuming you did, as you didn't mention not cumming yourself.

Now, let's talk about your 23 year old stud and his inability to cum. It could be the drinking ... but that's more likely to be true if he's drinking a lot right before you fuck. If he masturbates a lot, and is used to a particular kind of stimulation, that could also affect his ability to orgasm from intercourse. There are lots of other reasons, both mental and physical ... the point being, again, it's not a statement that there's something wrong with you, or with him even. It just means maybe he can't come very easily from traditional penis-vagina intercourse, and he's not alone!

There doesn't have to be a goal to sex. Think of all the women out there who don't cum from the old in-out, but require manual or other stimulation to the clit, as well, or instead - a lot of them still have, and enjoy sex, right? It's not like a race to a finish line that you both need to cross at once, or even close to the same time. Sex is nice, and fun, and it feels good, and it's a way to connect with another person, and experience intimacy. If it were just about the orgasm, you could do that all by yourself without the help of the other person.

Think about girl on girl action for a minute. Because of anatomy, unless they are 69ing each other, jilling each other off simultaneously, fucking a double-ended cock, or masturbating in front of each other at the same time, chances are likely the orgasms of the partners will be separated by a good deal of time. It is very common in girl-girl sex to have all the attention focused on one partner until her orgasm, and then the partners switch and the provider of pleasure becomes the receiver. There are a lot of heterosexual people who find the traditional idea of sex rather boring, and follow the first me-then you-and sometimes both of us model.

I say, as long as they're getting you off, and express their own satisfaction with your encounters, don't worry so much about how, or when, they cum. It's not a comment on your abilities or your womanliness, anymore than it is a comment on a man's prowess if he can't make a woman cum with his cock in her pussy alone. Everyone's body works a little differently, and I for one love the excitement and adventure of finding out how.

Did I mention I'm Bi?

I think I did, but in case you missed it -- yep, I like boys and girls.

I mention this because, while the tips may be targeted at the pleasure of one gender, often out of necessity, I want my tips and advice to be for a gender non-specific "you", taking into account all orientations. For example, when talking about a blow job, I obviously don't mean giving head to a woman, but the blower could be any gender at all.