Cock-Sucker!

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. We have GREAT sex, when we have it. When we first got together the sex was an everyday thing, sometimes 3 times a day. It consisted of lots of toys, dildos, anal, oral, EVERYTHING. It quite possibly could be that it's slowed down because of my lack of self-esteem, as I've gained some weight in the 3 years we've been together. Within the last 6 months, he demands me to give him head, and "suck him off" This being said, he does nothing to stimulate me! He just tells me to give him head, no kissing or rubbing or anything. How am I
suppose to get turned on and suck his dick when I'm not getting horny at all? He doesn't understand this. He thinks I should just drop when he tells me. I can't get into give him great head if I'm not into it! Am I wrong?

Sexually Frustrated!

How are you supposed toget turned on under those circumstances? You're NOT! I'm all for being good, giving and game, to quote Dan Savage -- but there's a requisite reciprocity that has to exist. It can't be only one half of the partnership that is GGG. You both have to be.

I'm going to be blunt, and it's perhaps not what you're going to want to hear: but it's not your lack of self esteem that has caused your boyfriend to stop fucking you, or participating in your pleasure (please tell me, at least, that you're masturbating??) ... it may be that your weight has made you physically unattractive to him. But, what he thinks doesn't factor into the point I'm trying to make. Your self-esteem *IS* responsible, but not for his lack of desire to be intimate with you.

Your lack of self-esteem is keeping you with someone who makes you feel even worse about yourself, and it's stopping you from demanding equality in your sexual relationship. No matter your weight gain, you deserve to be with someone who loves *you*, who finds *you* attractive, who wants to be pleasured by and, this is KEY, give pleasure to *you*. Do you see where I'm going with this?

You have some choices:

1) Do nothing. The likely outcome of this is he'll end up cheating on you and/or breaking up with you, and you're going to spend a good deal of time hating yourself for being a doormat.

2) Talk to him. Explain what you've said here, and tell him how it makes you feel. Try to work out with him what his issue is. It may not be about you at all, but some fact or stressor in his life that has changed. He's being a dick, but there could be a legitimate, not-related-to-you reason for it. It's one of the poorer aspects of human nature that we tend to take out our non-relationship issues on our partner.

3) Demand he meet your needs, too. Give him an ultimatum - either this relationship is reciprocal (and that means treating you decently, too, not just throwing you pity fucks so he can get a blow job), or it's over.

4) Follow through on the ultimatum you gave him in 3. If it doesn't get any better, or it does for a short period of time and goes back to you servicing him exclusively, end the relationship.


Some combination of 2, 3 & 4 is probably your best bet. If discussion doesn't work, it's ultimatum time. If that doesn't help - it's time to cut your losses. In that event, he's not worth the effect this is having on your psyche, and he certainly doesn't deserve to be rewarded with sex he doesn't have to work at, or for.

you could always

5) kick his ass out of your life Right Now, no questions asked, no passing GO, no collecting his ($200) blow job. You know him. If you don't think 2-4 is going to be effective, this is really what you need to do, for yourself - - before your self-esteem gets so low you start thinking you deserve to be treated like a second class citizen in your relationship, with no desires or needs of your own worth your partner's time and effort to meet.

And just for good measure, if you're not already, get yourself into therapy for your self-esteem and body issues. You know that saying "if you don't love yourself, how can anybody else?" It's true, but not literally. If you don't love yourself, you can't allow yourself to be truly loved. You'll either sabotage good relationships, or make really bad choices. Staying with someone who refuses you sex but demands you "suck him off" is a good example of making a really bad choice.

Don't Judge a Book Bi its Cover -- or Marketing.

About 2 years ago, I had sex with a close, lesbian friend of mine who said that she "just needed some dick." We're still good friends, and I occasionally suck her off, but we haven't had dick/pussy sex since that one time. I sort of would like to fuck her again, yes, but I'd rather not press the issue. I'm happy with our relationship as it is, don't want to jeopardize it -- you know the drill. Nevertheless, I must say that the thought of having sex (not necessarily fucking) with other lesbians gives me a total boner.

Sucking a mean pussy -- being roughed up, denied air, objectified, and abused when I'm down there -- is really what I fantasize about. My question is this: where can I go to find lesbians that would be receptive to this kind of thing? I'm extremely hesitant to enter a lesbian bar, as I'm under the strong impression that I would be crossing a line. In addition, I don't want to tag along with my friend to a gay bar, either. Although even-tempered, she might be hurt or insulted by the request. I'd honestly rather leave her out of it. (Until I awkwardly encounter her at some sordid sex-event, right?)

So, to sum it up: my desire to experiment and explore does not jibe with the fact that lesbians don't necessarily like sex with men. I like to give head to, and fuck, women that are aggressive, especially lesbians. Do you know of any applicable resources I might utilize?

And yes, I have a girlfriend of 6 years. She is aware of my lusts, as I am aware of her lusting after gay boys. The lusts compliment each other, we feel. She, in typical womanly fashion, is not as eager to act on her personal peccadillo. Concerning my continuing fantasy, she is occasionally turned on by it. For the most part, I’m under the impression that she thinks it’s just somewhat cute.

Thanks for your time!

Labels, schmabels. Your lesbian friend is bi, or at least passingly hetero-curious. There are some lesbians who would consider her a traitor for getting nekkid and naughty with you. I think those women are missing Kinsey's point -- most people fall on a range somewhere in between fully heterosexual and fully homosexual. This is clearly true of your friend. If all she wanted was dick, and not, at least to some extent, the man attached to the dick -- I'm sure she has one or two in a drawer she could have used.

And clearly she's confusing the hell out of you. The fact of the matter is, most "lesbians" don't want to have romantic relationships or sexual relationships with men, no matter how many girl-on-girl pornos end up with a 3-way with the pool boy or construction worker who happens to walk in and *cue porno guitar* whip out his cock. Lesbians aren't two pieces of bread waiting for the meat to make the sandwich complete: think of them as vegetarians. They don't want what's in your (male) pants. Even if they play with plastic, silicone, rubber, glass, acrylic or organic (like a cucumber) facsimiles thereof.

So, now that we've established that about her, let's talk about what's going on with you.

I've read your question several times. I shared it with a friend, because I was curious to see if my initial reaction was skewed by my own submissive nature. My friend put it much more concisely than I'd been thinking of it, but he did echo my suspicion: "It sounds like he wants a Domme, not a Dyke".

I don't get the sense from the way you've written your question that you've fetishized lesbians in the way that most men who fixate on fucking lesbians have: you're not trying to convert them, or boldly go where no man has gone before. You seem to understand that your desire isn't going to be well received by many lesbians, and you appear to respect them and their orientation.

So that leads me to conclude what you like about it is the humiliation. The idea that you're being used, treated like not much more than a piece of meat: a glorified dildo attached to a body. There for her pleasure, when and if she wants it, with no rights to claim or ask for more. You don't need to chase after women who only want other women to find a woman who can dominate you. So get the "I need to be dominated by a lesbian" thought out of your head, and find yourself a Femme Domme, preferably one who is bi, and roleplay that "being used as a lesbian's fucktoy" fantasy. Let her rough you up, smother you with her cunt, objectify and humiliate you for being such a bad boy.

I have the same reaction to your discussion of your girlfriend's desire to top a couple of gay boys.

Shades of gray! Bisexuality! Learn it, live it, love it!

I think what you're both attracted to is not so much the off-limits orientation of these people (because you'd never get any!), but perceived notions of personality traits those people embody for you both. Rather than lust after what you can't ever have, she can certainly find guys who are bi or straight who possess whatever aspects of gay men she finds attractive (short of being exclusively gay), and you can certainly find Dommey-butch women who aren't exclusively pitching for the home team.

Does It Taste Great? No, It's Less Filling

Are vasectomies 100% guaranteed? Do they change the taste of cum?

No surgery is ever 100% guaranteed, but the failure rate of vasectomies is relatively low. Current studies indicate a failure rate of anywhere from .07% to 5.4%

According to the University of Maryland Medical Center:

Pregnancy rates after a vasectomy are estimated to be very low, about 1 in 2,000. There are two primary reasons for an unexpected pregnancy:

* Residual sperm were still alive when the partners had unprotected sex. This is the most common reason for an unexpected pregnancy after a vasectomy.
* Failure of the Procedure. In some cases it is due to a technical error, but most often it is due to recanalization--when the cut ends of the vas deferens spontaneously reconnect.

It is recommended that you return to the doctor 1 year after the surgery to test for new or residual sperm.

As for the taste, presence of sperm in the ejaculate has less of an effect on taste than does diet. Sperm make up only 2-5% of the content of semen. Semen is composed primarily of fluid from the seminal vesicles (60%). The rest of the fluid is a combination of fluid produced in the prostate, and a mucous produced in the bulbourethral glands (or Cowper's glands).