The Assturbatrix™ Is In.

The Assturbatrix™, you ask?

Yes, you see ... I've recently begun a side-gig as sex toy reviewer for an online toy company. Specifically, anal sex toys. Thanks in part to this blog of mine. They're not paying me, but will be linking my blog. There. Full Disclosure.

Except maybe you're wondering why I'd be willing to do it? Well ... We're here, aren't we? Seriously though, I happen to enjoy anal play quite a lot, and I have no problem telling people what feels good, and doesn't. Done well, it feels incredible for both partners, can be very intimate (or dirty and depraved if that's what you like), and can be done often. So, if by playing with anal toys, and telling people about it, I help some people find fun toys to play with, and they get off, or at least have fun trying ... Well Fuck On!, that's the point.

Anyway, I find it amazingly fitting that mere days before I go up on their site as the anal toy reviewer, and by complete coincidence, I get the following question:

Is there any method or product to allow me to have anal intercourse more often/ for longer? My gay friends say that anal loving is a process like losing your virginity: it hurts at first and gets easier over time. Sounds good, but my experience has been different.

After turning 30, I discovered that I loooove the sensation of anal penetration while I stimulate my own clit. (My partner's pretty thrilled that I like it so much too) The only thing preventing us from doing this more is the ouch factor. My skin/ sphincter/ anal region only seems to be able to take 3 or 4 minutes of intercourse per week. More mileage than that and it hurts. For a week.

Yes, we use an extra thick lube, take lots of time with foreplay, and I'm nice and relaxed before we start.

Any suggestions?

Sincerely,

Don't want my brown eye to be blue


Ok, here's what we know so far (and we're off to a good start!):

-You looooooove anal penetration with clit stimulation. (YAY!)
-You use lube (and it's thick)
-You are relaxed from lots of foreplay (always good)

But, intercourse lasting longer than a few minutes puts you out of commission for a week. That, as you know, isn't good.

You could always go the desensitizing cream route, and some might advise that, but I want to nip that one in the bud right now: Pain in your ass is bad, and means you may well be damaging yourself, so STOP. You know that. So what do you do?

Let's start with what you mean by foreplay. For me, foreplay before a good ass-fucking usually includes a good spanking, the use of fingers or small dildos in my ass, often butt plugs, a good deal of pussy fucking, and a lot of orgasms. The point is not just to be relaxed, but to make sure that your sphincter (I really wish there was a hotter word for that) is relaxed. I've found that, at a certain state of arousal, after the above, I can orgasm from anal sex alone. I think in part because if you experience g-spot orgasms and have certain level of sensitivity, the friction and pressure from the cock thrusting in your ass stimulates the g-spot, too.

It could also be a lube issue. I have not noticed the thickness or thinness of the lube to make as much of a difference as the very, very liberal application, reapplication, and re-reapplication of whatever lube you use. If you put 20 anal lovers in a room together and ask them to tell you the best lube, you may not get 20 different answers, but you'd certainly get a few. I personally swear by the "intimate moisturizer" made by Vagisil, which is very thin. A lot of people like KY Jelly. Some like KY Gel. Some like Astroglide. Some like various Eros Pjur products. Some like Wet. I'd advise you to try a number of different lubes, just to see if that is indeed the issue. Whatever you use, use WAY MORE than you think you have to.

My tried and true method to get over any initial "discomfort", is that, after having lubed both his cock, and your ass, and his first thrust (speed should be up to you), he pulls out and you both re-lube. I'd advise wearing latex or nitrile gloves (they come in different colors, too!) for any hand-anal combination, even if that's just his or your hand on his cock after it's been in your ass.

After that, I would say 90% of the time, I've enjoyed fairly prolonged thrusting, if I've followed the advice I'm about to give you.

It may be as simple as the friction drying the lube out over time, and if you are using a condom (and I think you should, even with a fluid-bonded partner), that will dry it out even sooner. Basically, you need to keep reapplying lube from time to time, as your ass is very absorbent, and not self-lubricating like your pussy.

The Golden Rule, in my opinion, for enjoyable anal sex is, "If you think you've used enough lube ... use more".

If you've done everything I've mentioned above, and it is still too painful to continue after more than a few moments, I would suggest minimizing anal play to toys that don't move, like butt plugs, for your pleasure, and make the thrusting-intercourse more like a treat for the both of you, a grand finale after some really great pussy fucking (or oral). I know that may not sound as great as a free-for-all ass-pounding extravaganza ... but we don't want to damage you!

Slow And Steady Wins The Race

Okay, here's the thing - I've only been with a few guys, and really only hadsex 3 times. But, I've never had an orgasm with guy. Neither throughintercourse, nor myself or him playing with my pussy with hands or toys. It just hasn't happened. I have no trouble having orgasms when I'm alone playing with my toys, but it's mostly from attention to my clit. It's strange - sometimes when I have either a dildo or a dick inside my vagina I don't really feel anything. Is this normal? Any advice? I'm new to the whole "sex" thing and I really just want to know what's going on...

Thanks for your help,
Alice


It is totally normal! As a matter of fact, you are already ahead of the game in that you’ve had orgasms on your own! That means you know what it feels like and will know when it happens when you are with a partner (yes, yes, I know: thank you, Captain Obvious).

So let's get into this: you say you’ve only had “sex” three times. By that I think you mean cock-in-pussy penetration. There are some women who can't come from vaginal penetration alone, and who require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. You may fall into that group, but I think it may be too soon to tell. Some women are able to reach orgasm from clit stim long before they ever come from internal stimulation alone. I fall into the latter group. I don’t remember what age I was when I had my first orgasm; I always remember being sexual, but it was fairly early. I discovered if I angled myself just right when the bath water was running, I could get myself off. I didn’t know what it was, exactly, that I was doing, but I knew if I stayed there long enough, I would have this weird building, tightening feeling wash over me, and eventually, this little explosion that left me all warm and tingly.

Fast forward through my first forays into sex and a lot of masturbatory exploration, and at 17 I had my first orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. There were, however, quite a few years in between my first orgasm and my first vaginal orgasm, even though I was young.

My point is, in just three encounters, I think it’s too early to say whether you can or cannot come from penis-vagina sex. It’s still new for you. I’m not sure under what circumstances you’ve had sex (long-term boyfriend? Friend? Some dude you brought home from a bar?) … but it’s quite possible there’s a level of discomfort you’re experiencing that is preventing you from being relaxed enough to come. Or maybe you’re putting too much pressure on yourself, or he is by refusing to give up until you get off, or attaching his ego to your orgasm. I’m leaning more toward the idea that it’s a bit of stage freight on your part, preventing you from being completely relaxed and comfortable.

As long as you enjoy the encounters, why not keep trying? You can still masturbate for orgasms later. I know it’s a bit frustrating, but sex doesn’t have to be about the orgasm alone: it’s nice to be intimate and connect with another person on that level and feels good even if you don't come. It’s perfectly acceptable for one partner to get off even if the other does not. My libido is invariably higher than my partner’s, so I’ve had a lot of sex where I was the only one getting off. Typically this has also meant that I was receiving but not giving attention. Now, before you go and call me selfish, I will point out that most of the time I was tied up and couldn’t do anything but submit to the pleasure - or pain, but that’s another question entirely.

Actually, no. Let me address that. There are some people who need specific things to achieve satisfaction. For some people it’s an object, like panties. For some, it’s a specific act, like foot worship. Those would be Fetishists. Some people need to feel pain and/or be submissive. Some people like to hurt others and/or be dominant. They’re into BDSM. The point being, the specific combination of things needed for people to get off is as unique as each individual.

Please don't be discouraged because you haven't come the way you think you're "supposed to" yet. There's a learning curve with everything that's new: remember learning to ride a bike? You wobbled a whole lot, and perhaps even fell, before you got really good at it, right?

Give yourself some time to get used to sex with a partner, and just enjoy the encounters for what they are. Keep communicating, keep experimenting, and my intuition tells me you will eventually come with a lover.

Sybian: The Energizer Bunny of Toys.

Here is another question for you... I have heard of this thing called a Sybian. Do you know about this and have you tried it?

Thanks, as always.

Miss B.

Simply put, Miss B, a Sybian is a fucking machine. Once turned on, it fucks and fucks and never gets soft. They're not cheap!

I myself have not used a Sybian, nor have I personally seen one used. I have seen video, however. I have also seen a non-motorized version, The Rider Fuck Machine used at a party.

The Rider looked pretty fun, but I'd rather just get myself a suction dong like stick it to a wall or a chair, and have at it! It costs less($29 vs. $799.99), is more easily portable, and can be tucked away in a drawer.

I invite my readers to weigh in, if they have tried a Sybian or other fucking machine. Like it? Hate it? Indifferent to it?