No Glove, No Love.

I am one of those people who always does the right thing, puts the gum back in the wrapper before throwing it away, never steals hotel towels, etc.

But last Thursday (six days ago), I was spending the night with a girl I had just met the day before, and we started to have sex. She complained that the condom was possibly affecting my performance, so she threw it away. She then looked me in the eyes, and said "don't worry, I just had my period, so I won't get pregnant." In the end, I came inside her. I have had very few sexual experiences, and had heard that "if you're not using a condom, it doesn't make a difference anyway."

I had not had "any" for over two years, and the whole thing happened so quickly, I just did it, and I only started to really worry a couple of days ago.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I am at a point in my life where a baby would be a complete and total catastrophe (I am renting a tiny bedroom, several months behind on some bills, etc.) I recently got a new job, so I am slowly working out of the hole I'm dug into, but would not be able to handle anything like this.

I also worried about HIV. I have only had three experiences in my life, and the prior one was over two years ago. I know that someone can be asimptomatic for several years, but a blood test I had over a year ago didn't show anything (although I don't think it tested for HIV specifically). She has only been with one man her whole life, although again, it's possible that that man was with other women. The only solution to that worry is to get tested in six months (as I understand that the antibodies don't begin to generate for several weeks/months, and are not perceptible right away).

I am really more worried that it's possible she's pregnant. I talked with her today, and she mentioned that she's not ready for a baby either, that she has health insurance and she would rather "take care of it" if it did happen.

If in fact, she is not pregnant, ... and neither of us has any conditions, I will be a changed man from this experience. You will not find me anywhere near a naked woman, unless I am in love with her and ready to have children with her.

This has been a nightmare so far!

J.

J,

I'm not so sure I can tell you anything you don't already know. You fucked up. Literally. But you know this, and you're paying the price in guilt and worry. Chalk it up to a life lesson - most of us have had an "oops" of the sort you describe. And by "oops" I mean, "yeah, I know I shouldn't do this without a condom, but what the hell, I'm going to do it anyway and I won't think about the consequences until later". Then it's later and you think to yourself "What the FUCK did I do? It wasn't even worth it." And you don't do it again.

I think swearing off women forever until you find the woman you'll marry is a bit of an extreme response to the incident in question. I'd understand it a little more if she DID end up pregnant, or if she confessed after the fact that she had HIV or another STI. But neither of those things happened. Just run your little butt down to your local anonymous HIV testing site when it's been 3 months since your unprotected encounter. And do it again 3 months later, just to be on the safe side.

While I do commend your attitude about not doing something if you're not willing to accept the consequences of your actions, - maybe you could think out of the box a little bit? There is SO much more to sex than penis-vagina intercourse. There are plenty of things you can do with a woman that don't involve your cock being anywhere near her pussy, making pregnancy very, very unlikely. You still have to worry about STIs, of course ... but there is little (although there is some) risk involved in non-penetrative sexual activity.

I think you're beating yourself up a little too much about this. Consider it a bullet dodged, and from now on, keep a safety on your gun.