No Glove, No Love.

I am one of those people who always does the right thing, puts the gum back in the wrapper before throwing it away, never steals hotel towels, etc.

But last Thursday (six days ago), I was spending the night with a girl I had just met the day before, and we started to have sex. She complained that the condom was possibly affecting my performance, so she threw it away. She then looked me in the eyes, and said "don't worry, I just had my period, so I won't get pregnant." In the end, I came inside her. I have had very few sexual experiences, and had heard that "if you're not using a condom, it doesn't make a difference anyway."

I had not had "any" for over two years, and the whole thing happened so quickly, I just did it, and I only started to really worry a couple of days ago.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I am at a point in my life where a baby would be a complete and total catastrophe (I am renting a tiny bedroom, several months behind on some bills, etc.) I recently got a new job, so I am slowly working out of the hole I'm dug into, but would not be able to handle anything like this.

I also worried about HIV. I have only had three experiences in my life, and the prior one was over two years ago. I know that someone can be asimptomatic for several years, but a blood test I had over a year ago didn't show anything (although I don't think it tested for HIV specifically). She has only been with one man her whole life, although again, it's possible that that man was with other women. The only solution to that worry is to get tested in six months (as I understand that the antibodies don't begin to generate for several weeks/months, and are not perceptible right away).

I am really more worried that it's possible she's pregnant. I talked with her today, and she mentioned that she's not ready for a baby either, that she has health insurance and she would rather "take care of it" if it did happen.

If in fact, she is not pregnant, ... and neither of us has any conditions, I will be a changed man from this experience. You will not find me anywhere near a naked woman, unless I am in love with her and ready to have children with her.

This has been a nightmare so far!

J.

J,

I'm not so sure I can tell you anything you don't already know. You fucked up. Literally. But you know this, and you're paying the price in guilt and worry. Chalk it up to a life lesson - most of us have had an "oops" of the sort you describe. And by "oops" I mean, "yeah, I know I shouldn't do this without a condom, but what the hell, I'm going to do it anyway and I won't think about the consequences until later". Then it's later and you think to yourself "What the FUCK did I do? It wasn't even worth it." And you don't do it again.

I think swearing off women forever until you find the woman you'll marry is a bit of an extreme response to the incident in question. I'd understand it a little more if she DID end up pregnant, or if she confessed after the fact that she had HIV or another STI. But neither of those things happened. Just run your little butt down to your local anonymous HIV testing site when it's been 3 months since your unprotected encounter. And do it again 3 months later, just to be on the safe side.

While I do commend your attitude about not doing something if you're not willing to accept the consequences of your actions, - maybe you could think out of the box a little bit? There is SO much more to sex than penis-vagina intercourse. There are plenty of things you can do with a woman that don't involve your cock being anywhere near her pussy, making pregnancy very, very unlikely. You still have to worry about STIs, of course ... but there is little (although there is some) risk involved in non-penetrative sexual activity.

I think you're beating yourself up a little too much about this. Consider it a bullet dodged, and from now on, keep a safety on your gun.

Waiting for Aunt Flo

What is up with this? My periods used to be on the clock - the first of the month. I've really only been paying close attention for the past year when I started having sex, but it's been so exact....until recently. First it was just a day or two later, now it's the 8th and I still haven't gotten it. There's no way I'm pregnant. So I don't get it! Is it stress? I have been under more stress the last couple months. I've also gained a bit of weight - due to stress eating. But it's annoying. Any ideas or advice? Is this normal. I should ask my gyno - but I haven't found one yet....

Ok -- first, it's perfectly normal to miss a period here and there. Stress, diet, medications, illness, loss of too much weight, excessive exercise - changes in any or all can easily result in a skipped period.

You don't get into amenorrhea (absence or suppression of menstruation) territory until you've missed your period for 3 months or longer. Prolonged exposure to conditions like stress, medications, etc., as mentioned earlier, can result in a complete loss of your period. If this is the case, some lifestyle changes are in order.

There are some easily diagnosable medical reasons you might suffer from amenorrhea, like thyroid malfunction, hormone imbalance, or a pituitary tumor. It's also possible you've developed something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, a condition that causes cysts to form in the ovaries, thereby preventing ovulation. Only a doctor is going to be able to tell you if any of these conditions are causing your late period. However, one missed period isn't enough to start worrying about these - you'll just stress yourself out more.

If you skip your period again next month, you need to get on it and find yourself a gynocologist. There are tests that will need to be done to diagnose you. At the very least, you would rule out any medical cause and learn that it was something to do with your lifestyle or environment.

If, on the other hand, you do get your period, consider this month an anomaly, and don't worry about it, unless it happens again, for more than one consecutive cycle.

Like a Hole in Your Head

I've considered getting a penis peircing, and while the main concern to me is with the aesthetics of it all, and how any future potential partners might view it, should my current relationship fall through, there's one question I've found very little information about. See, having safe sex is an absolute necessity in my opinion, and I was wondering: how does a penis peircing work with a condom? Strikes me that it would greatly increase odds of breakage, but it also strikes me that having to remove it beforehand (some of the forms like the capture-ball style being rather difficult to get out at times) could contribute greatly to ruining spontaneity (and removing it even longer before causes possibilities of the hole closing, and removes some of the aesthetic appeal of getting it done in the first place). What're your thoughts on all this?

Safe sex is definitely still possible. There are some additional things you should consider:

-you're at a greater risk for STD transmission during the healing period - so that means condoms for blow jobs.

-there will be a period of time immediately following the piercing when you won't be able to have any sexual activity - ask at your piercing parlor how long that will be, it varies depending on the type of penile piercing you're considering.

In any event, you're absolutely right: piercing your cock and leaving the piercing in when you fuck (which you'll have to do for the first 6 months, give or take, to prevent the hole from closing) will increase risk of condom breakage. You can reduce the risk by using larger condoms ... though not so large that they won't stay on your dick. You'll have to stay away from the thin condoms, unfortunately. I don't have stats and percentages to throw at you, but sex with condoms is only slightly less safe if you're pierced than if not, assuming proper condom use.