Harry Palm Syndrome

I was dumped by my girlfriend a couple of months ago and we only had sex two times in the five months we were together, and I'm guessing one of the factors was the fact that I could not cum with her. She said something about expecting me to have a ten incher, and I'm 5.5' when I'm erect...I don't know if I'm a midget but I sure feel like one now, I feel bad about my size every day and I guessed for what she said that size matters. The problem comes now...over the last couple of months I've developed an obsession with porn that involves women with her body type, large breasted and fat Caucasian women. I've reached the point of masturbating several times a day, and I feel extremely guilty about it. I haven't looked for a date yet, I really can't approach women at all at this point. I think I'm becoming some sort of sex addict and it's scaring me. What can I do? Am I healthy at all, or will all the excessive masturbation bring me problems?

First of all, let me say I'm sorry for what you're going through with the break up. We've all been there, and it sucks. But I think as time moves on, and you get over the loss of the relationship itself, you'll realize this is a good thing.

No one who loves you should humiliate you for your body, UNLESS that's a part of kink play to which you've both consented.

Secondly, your size is perfectly fine. The "average" penis is 5-7 inches, so at 5.5, you are nicely ensconced in "average" penis territory. Your lame ex-girlfriend is going to be single and alone quite a lot if she's only going to date and have sex with men who are 10 inches or more. She's lame both because she's holding all men to an unrealistic standard and because she doesn't realize she can have a wonderful boyfriend with a 5.5 inch penis, and buy herself a 10 inch dildo. And think of the fisting she's missing out on that I'm sure you would have given her if she'd asked (or begged).

So, now that you know your cock is fine, let's address the other issues.

It is totally normal for you to feel rejected and unwilling or unable to put yourself out into the dating scene after this sort of, well, rejection. Someone who purportedly loved you treated you like crap. But take heart, not all women are bitches! It's just going to take you some time to get back on that horse. I for one am a big advocate of the idea of giving yourself time to mourn the loss of a relationship, and deal with the issues that loss brings up for you, before getting involved elsewhere. So I'm really not concerned about your mental health simply because you haven't found it in yourself to date so soon after such a horrid last relationship.

Am I worried about your choice of masturbatory fodder? Not really, at least, not at this point, with a recent break up. Masturbation is a normal, healthy expression of your sexuality. What you choose to look at and fantasize about when you masturbate is only cause for concern if it somehow interferes with the other normal, healthy expression of your sexuality - sex with a partner. Or if it becomes so compulsive that it interferes with the rest of your life.

It makes perfect sense to me that you would masturbate to pictures of women who resemble your ex: you were attracted to her, her body type is familiar. I for one think fantasizing about something or someone familiar can enhance the experience because it triggers your sense memory, as well as stimulates your mind and cock (or in my case, pussy).

I'm curious about something you didn't say, but I suspect might be the case given the way you describe what you seem to think is your pathology: Do you imagine yourself being humiliated by your fantasy woman for the size of your cock? Feel free to disregard the rest of this if you don't, but I get the feeling you might.

That kind of fantasy is not at all unusual. A lot of people, men in particular, eroticize humiliation. It's a big part of many BDSM and power exchange relationships, and it may be that you are recognizing a submissive tendency in yourself you hadn't realized was there. A lot of people, when confronted with their submission have a reaction that includes at once an almost compulsive desire to act on it (in your case, excessive masturbation) while at the same time feeling shame both for the desire and for the expression of it. If this is the case, there is a lot of information available online and in books about BDSM, submissives and humiliation. Just know you are not the first guy to have those fantasies, you won't be the last, and there are women out there who will indulge your fantasy in a sexual way, while at the same time treating you with respect as a person, and showing you the love you deserve.

Detachable Penis

Ok, so I'm asking. So I have this strap on. See http://www.goodvibes.com/ItemList--search-strap-ons--srcin-1.html and look for the one called Johnny. The Silicon balls rub against my inner thighs and create these very painful boil type things. (I know, sorry, not sexy). Also, the leather harness would create small boils where the corners would rub in my groin area. I didn't know what was causing these painful blemishes and I always was careful to "sanitize" before and after. Then someone told me it was probably the material and the friction against my skin that may be extra sensitive. Well, shortly after, my "regular" mate, dumped me and I've been celibate for a few months and it all cleared up. Well, I don't want to stop using strap on's and my partners like the realistic looking/feeling ones. What do you suggest?

It sounds to me like the friend who told you your skin was sensitive to the materials and the friction had it just right. This should be even more apparent since the problem completely went away when you stopped using strap-ons and silicon dildos for several months.

If you insist on using strap-ons, I urge you to look into harnesses that are made out of something other than leather: fake leather, fabric, rubber - all of which may be less irritating to you than leather. It's also possible that if you fasten the harness tighter, you'll reduce the friction that seems to be rubbing your skin raw.

Now, the dong material issue. I think if your partners care anything about you and your comfort, they're going to want sex to be as pleasurable and consequence-free for you as it is for them. The long and short of it: if they like you, they should be willing to forego realistic looking dildos once you tell them of your problem. If they don't, and their preference is more important to them than your health/comfort - honey, fuck 'em. And I don't mean literally, either. Personally, I don't care for the realistic dongs. They tend to be floppy, and that's not something I want in my toys. I'm also mildly creeped-out by anything that looks like it was cut off of someone's body. Give me a day-glo cock any day of the week, but keep the detached penis-looking thing away from me. Still, I'm perfectly willing to negotiate on that if my partner has a mental or physical issue with the kind of toy I prefer. You should expect no less from your partners.