Sometimes, Our Bodies Just Can't Cooperate

Hey,

I've got a bit of an usual situation with my new girlfriend. She has Spina Bifida, and is fairly severely handicapped. She has very low flexibility and essentially no muscle control over her legs. This causes a fair amount of difficulty in our sex life, which, while not central to our relationship, is an important facet. Normal missionary and cowgirl positions are difficult (My penis is about eight inches long, and even given that, I really can't get much depth of penetration because she simply can't spread her legs more than a small amount), and more adventurous positions are effectively impossible. Strangely, the same issues have made the spooning position for sex impossible with her, which is generally a very easy position.

So, do you have any advice on positions or techniques which might make sex a bit easier for us? Our best work arounds thus far have proven awkward and moderately uncomfortable to at least one of us, so we're stumped at the moment.

Thanks in advance.

Without a medical education background, I am reluctant to recommend positions, but logic tells me something like doggy style would work. However, in that case you have to be careful when thrusting, as this position will enable you to penetrate more deeply and simply stated, 8 inches can hurt. Someone recommended the Downward Dog yoga position, as it is low impact on the spine. BUT, please, if you haven't already, please (reiterating) have her talk to a physical therapist familiar with her and her condition.

The reality of this situation is that it just might not be possible for the two of you to have the kind of sex you are talking about. So, we need to think outside the box. To that end, I have some other suggestions. Can the two of you be satisfied with sex that isn't "traditional" male-female penetrative penis-vagina sex? Approach it like two women not interested in strap-ons.

What about manual stimulation? Is she able to stroke your cock? Can you finger her? If she can't lie on her back and spread her legs to let you do this, if she lies on her side it should be possible for you to finger her from behind while she plays with her own clit. I understand you haven't been able to fuck her with your cock from this position, but your weight moving against her may be the issue, which won't be the case if you are using your hand, or even holding a dildo in your hand and fucking her thusly. At the same time, you can be using your free hand to stroke your own cock.

What about oral? I realize that may be difficult for you to do to her given her condition, but is she able to give you a blow job?

What about enjoying porn and masturbating together? Or simply masturbating FOR each other?

These things can be just as intimate and fulfilling, and much less likely to cause either of you physical discomfort or damage.

The Kitty's In the Bag!

Well, now that the cat is out of the bag, I can tell you the reason I've been lax about posting this month is I've been helping plan a wedding*, and with that, school, and the longest job interview process imaginable, I've been seriously fucking busy!

I'll resume answering questions after this weekend.

Stay Tuned!




*congratulations MeJane & "Clyde" -- LOVE YOU!!

Blast From the Past

Hi -
I've recently found your blog - and I appreciate the advice that you give, so I thought I'd ask you about my situation.
I have found the man that I love, that I will one day marry, and I am moving to live with him and I don't doubt that decision. But....here comes the question -
The man I am with and I have known each other for 8 months, and he has never cum. He told me that he has never cum with a woman, and has issues from his first sexual experience (she was catholic (eek) and just as he was about to cum, she told him he was nasty and dirty), he has always been able to satisfy me, what can I do to make him finally get there?
Thanks

I had a question pretty similar to yours a while back, so rather than re-hash a bunch of the same material, click this link