Web Dating - so much potential!

Dear Serrephim,

Love your blog, I'm glad I found it. Anyways I wanted to know your opinion on relationships started on the Internet. I recently "met" this guy on the net while visiting a chat room and I seem to be attracted to him, despite never meeting him in person. Should I steer away from this or see where it goes.

Sincerely,

Searching the Web

Dear Searching:

I'm all for relationships that start online. They are losing their stigma. It's no longer the refuge of geeks and social misfits who are too timid to go out and find love/sex/friendship/relationships/insert-label-here. Modern life, particularly modern American life, lends itself to this kind of meeting. Think about the time many people spend in front of computers. Think about the amount of time people spend commuting to and from jobs. Think about all the people like me, who go to school and work full time.

Many of us don't have time to do the things people used to do to find romance before the internet explosion. Once you leave university, or have settled into a career, it can become exceedingly hard to meet new friends or potential significant others. Many people have lives that provide them with a very limited sphere of influence. You know who you know, and short of joining activity groups and hanging out in singles bars, you're unlikely to meet many new people. So, your friends start setting you up on blind dates. There is no reason that is acceptable and blind internet dating is not. How are they vastly different? Your friends usually don't set you up with people they know incredibly well, and at least with someone you've met online, you have to opportunity to learn intimate details about them (provided they are being honest) before you ever agree to meet someone.

But I digress, so let me back up. You didn't ask about dating. You just want to know if it's ok to pursue something with this guy beyond chat. And I say, why not? You are interested in him so far. Sure, he could be misrepresenting himself, or be a total tool, or he could be everything you want on paper, and if you meet him, there's no chemistry. But he could just as easily be exactly as he portrays himself, someone you'd like to know better, and the two of you could have all the chemistry in the world.

So my vote is: see where it goes. Correspond with him. See if there's more to your attraction than what is already there. Move to phone conversations if you feel comfortable. It's easier to get a sense of someone if you can hear them. When the time comes and one of you suggests an in-person meeting, be smart about it. Do it in a public place. Make it a short date, like for coffee or a drink, that you could lengthen if you need to. Don't plan a dinner date. Good god, there's nothing worse than staring at a stranger across a table trying to eat a nice dinner when both of you would really rather run out the door. A drink/coffee is low-pressure. And you can always have another. Or decide to make it into a meal. Make sure a friend knows where you will be, and make sure to arrange a check in time.

There are other ways you can play the in-person meeting very safely. If it gets to that point with Mr. Internet, hit me back up and I'll lay those out for you, too. In the meantime, don't write him off! He could be your Mr. Right.