Sexual Healing: Good Advice From A Bad Girl

This is not your mother's sex advice column. I'll tell you upfront that I’m kinky and my answers to your questions won’t be your standard, vanilla responses. So who am I? Just a kinky girl with an appetite for sex, a good deal of experience, and the desire to help others enjoy sex the way I do. Email me your sex and relationship questions. I can't respond to all of them, but I will post the question along with my response. Feel free to comment or add your own experience.

February 28, 2006

Sometimes, Our Bodies Just Can't Cooperate

Hey,

I've got a bit of an usual situation with my new girlfriend. She has Spina Bifida, and is fairly severely handicapped. She has very low flexibility and essentially no muscle control over her legs. This causes a fair amount of difficulty in our sex life, which, while not central to our relationship, is an important facet. Normal missionary and cowgirl positions are difficult (My penis is about eight inches long, and even given that, I really can't get much depth of penetration because she simply can't spread her legs more than a small amount), and more adventurous positions are effectively impossible. Strangely, the same issues have made the spooning position for sex impossible with her, which is generally a very easy position.

So, do you have any advice on positions or techniques which might make sex a bit easier for us? Our best work arounds thus far have proven awkward and moderately uncomfortable to at least one of us, so we're stumped at the moment.

Thanks in advance.


Without a medical education background, I am reluctant to recommend positions, but logic tells me something like doggy style would work. However, in that case you have to be careful when thrusting, as this position will enable you to penetrate more deeply and simply stated, 8 inches can hurt. Someone recommended the Downward Dog yoga position, as it is low impact on the spine. BUT, please, if you haven't already, please (reiterating) have her talk to a physical therapist familiar with her and her condition.

The reality of this situation is that it just might not be possible for the two of you to have the kind of sex you are talking about. So, we need to think outside the box. To that end, I have some other suggestions. Can the two of you be satisfied with sex that isn't "traditional" male-female penetrative penis-vagina sex? Approach it like two women not interested in strap-ons.

What about manual stimulation? Is she able to stroke your cock? Can you finger her? If she can't lie on her back and spread her legs to let you do this, if she lies on her side it should be possible for you to finger her from behind while she plays with her own clit. I understand you haven't been able to fuck her with your cock from this position, but your weight moving against her may be the issue, which won't be the case if you are using your hand, or even holding a dildo in your hand and fucking her thusly. At the same time, you can be using your free hand to stroke your own cock.

What about oral? I realize that may be difficult for you to do to her given her condition, but is she able to give you a blow job?

What about enjoying porn and masturbating together? Or simply masturbating FOR each other?

These things can be just as intimate and fulfilling, and much less likely to cause either of you physical discomfort or damage.

2 Comments:

At 3/19/2006 9:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can she sit on you instead? Or is she that handicapped?

 
At 3/28/2006 10:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking as a woman with Spina Bifida who has similar problems, re: ability to spread my legs (Owww! not the most erotic thing in the world)
try her lying on her back with you supporting her legs on your shoulders - it's one of my favorites.

Any chance she can do some exercises to stretch her hips? I use a medium sized yoga ball for about half an hour every night - it works! So does horseback riding

 

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