The Assturbatrix™ Is In.

The Assturbatrix™, you ask?

Yes, you see ... I've recently begun a side-gig as sex toy reviewer for an online toy company. Specifically, anal sex toys. Thanks in part to this blog of mine. They're not paying me, but will be linking my blog. There. Full Disclosure.

Except maybe you're wondering why I'd be willing to do it? Well ... We're here, aren't we? Seriously though, I happen to enjoy anal play quite a lot, and I have no problem telling people what feels good, and doesn't. Done well, it feels incredible for both partners, can be very intimate (or dirty and depraved if that's what you like), and can be done often. So, if by playing with anal toys, and telling people about it, I help some people find fun toys to play with, and they get off, or at least have fun trying ... Well Fuck On!, that's the point.

Anyway, I find it amazingly fitting that mere days before I go up on their site as the anal toy reviewer, and by complete coincidence, I get the following question:

Is there any method or product to allow me to have anal intercourse more often/ for longer? My gay friends say that anal loving is a process like losing your virginity: it hurts at first and gets easier over time. Sounds good, but my experience has been different.

After turning 30, I discovered that I loooove the sensation of anal penetration while I stimulate my own clit. (My partner's pretty thrilled that I like it so much too) The only thing preventing us from doing this more is the ouch factor. My skin/ sphincter/ anal region only seems to be able to take 3 or 4 minutes of intercourse per week. More mileage than that and it hurts. For a week.

Yes, we use an extra thick lube, take lots of time with foreplay, and I'm nice and relaxed before we start.

Any suggestions?

Sincerely,

Don't want my brown eye to be blue


Ok, here's what we know so far (and we're off to a good start!):

-You looooooove anal penetration with clit stimulation. (YAY!)
-You use lube (and it's thick)
-You are relaxed from lots of foreplay (always good)

But, intercourse lasting longer than a few minutes puts you out of commission for a week. That, as you know, isn't good.

You could always go the desensitizing cream route, and some might advise that, but I want to nip that one in the bud right now: Pain in your ass is bad, and means you may well be damaging yourself, so STOP. You know that. So what do you do?

Let's start with what you mean by foreplay. For me, foreplay before a good ass-fucking usually includes a good spanking, the use of fingers or small dildos in my ass, often butt plugs, a good deal of pussy fucking, and a lot of orgasms. The point is not just to be relaxed, but to make sure that your sphincter (I really wish there was a hotter word for that) is relaxed. I've found that, at a certain state of arousal, after the above, I can orgasm from anal sex alone. I think in part because if you experience g-spot orgasms and have certain level of sensitivity, the friction and pressure from the cock thrusting in your ass stimulates the g-spot, too.

It could also be a lube issue. I have not noticed the thickness or thinness of the lube to make as much of a difference as the very, very liberal application, reapplication, and re-reapplication of whatever lube you use. If you put 20 anal lovers in a room together and ask them to tell you the best lube, you may not get 20 different answers, but you'd certainly get a few. I personally swear by the "intimate moisturizer" made by Vagisil, which is very thin. A lot of people like KY Jelly. Some like KY Gel. Some like Astroglide. Some like various Eros Pjur products. Some like Wet. I'd advise you to try a number of different lubes, just to see if that is indeed the issue. Whatever you use, use WAY MORE than you think you have to.

My tried and true method to get over any initial "discomfort", is that, after having lubed both his cock, and your ass, and his first thrust (speed should be up to you), he pulls out and you both re-lube. I'd advise wearing latex or nitrile gloves (they come in different colors, too!) for any hand-anal combination, even if that's just his or your hand on his cock after it's been in your ass.

After that, I would say 90% of the time, I've enjoyed fairly prolonged thrusting, if I've followed the advice I'm about to give you.

It may be as simple as the friction drying the lube out over time, and if you are using a condom (and I think you should, even with a fluid-bonded partner), that will dry it out even sooner. Basically, you need to keep reapplying lube from time to time, as your ass is very absorbent, and not self-lubricating like your pussy.

The Golden Rule, in my opinion, for enjoyable anal sex is, "If you think you've used enough lube ... use more".

If you've done everything I've mentioned above, and it is still too painful to continue after more than a few moments, I would suggest minimizing anal play to toys that don't move, like butt plugs, for your pleasure, and make the thrusting-intercourse more like a treat for the both of you, a grand finale after some really great pussy fucking (or oral). I know that may not sound as great as a free-for-all ass-pounding extravaganza ... but we don't want to damage you!