Myth of the Simultaneous O

I am unable to allow myself to orgasm with any man I have ever been with. I am able to orgasm with myself using a clitoral vibrator. I think this is because I was the victim of incest. This hasn't been a problem until now, I have found the love of my life who brings me closer than anyone else. I desperately want to come when he comes. What is the best small unobtrusive toy for me to use (I do need powerful stimulation) during sex to make this happen? Thanks so much in advance.

Let's not put the cart before the horse here, darlin'. Not being able to get off from penetrative penis-vagina sex is a completely separate issue from not being able to get off with your partner there at all! I'm not quite sure which camp you fall into, but I'm going to address this as though you can't come in his presence, because if it's just that you don't come when his cock is fucking your pussy, I have some potentially bad news for you: It is entirely possible you never will. Do some googling and you'll find that a good deal of women only come from clit stimulation, and often times, the friction from penis-vagina sex isn't enough, even if she's on top. So, we need to stop you right here thinking that you are somehow deficient because intercourse doesn't get you off, it that is what you're saying.

So, before we get you to have simultaneous orgasms with your man, assuming that is even possible for you, we need to get you comfortable having an orgasm when he's there. You come from clit stim with a vibe on your own. YAY! But have you ever come from fucking yourself with an insertible, sans clit stim? If you've tried but it hasn't worked, it makes perfect sense to me that you can't come from traditional male-female intercourse. If you haven't tried ... buy yourself a dildo or insertible vibe and get to it, Missy!

Your next step is going to be to masturbate in front of him with the vibrator and/or insertible, or let him use it on you, until you orgasm. I'm going to suggest you need something more than a "discreet" vibe for this task. I want you to try something that is almost guaranteed to make you come: one of the vibrators I discussed here. He should not be fucking you with his cock during this exploration (though you can certainly finish off with that, if you like). This is about both of you exploring your body and you getting more comfortable with him. You're going to have to be patient and it's possible it won't work right away. But if you do this, you're going to become more comfortable, which will relax you, which is most likely the barrier you're having, and this most certainly has something to do with the incest in your past. I hope you're already doing this, but if not ... you should be seeing a therapist to deal with the issues molestation can cause.

Now as for the simultaneous orgasm thing: I really wish people wouldn't make this a goal. For some people, it happens by chance. I frequently come when my male partner comes in my pussy or ass, but that's because I've got a hair-trigger ograsmic response. This isn't the case for most women. In fact, some women spend most of their lives never coming with a partner. Have you read my ex's blog? In a recent entry, she describes the first time she ever came with a partner (or in this case, two) ... at 44. Some couples are in-tune enough to come at the same time. But this requires being able to recognize sensations in your body that are pre-cursor to the orgasm, the ability of one of you to hold off until the other gets there, or to come on command, and LOTS of communication. Even if you do get to the point where you come while he's fucking you, coming simultaneously will just be a stroke (pun intended) of luck.