Sexual Healing: Good Advice From A Bad Girl

This is not your mother's sex advice column. I'll tell you upfront that I’m kinky and my answers to your questions won’t be your standard, vanilla responses. So who am I? Just a kinky girl with an appetite for sex, a good deal of experience, and the desire to help others enjoy sex the way I do. Email me your sex and relationship questions. I can't respond to all of them, but I will post the question along with my response. Feel free to comment or add your own experience.

April 19, 2007

Once is (not) Enough

ok my question is that while me and my boyfriend are having sex and he cums that's it. He has tried to keep going, and I try to make him hard again, but it doesn't work. It just goes limp, and stays that way and we're done for at least an hour. We do the whole for-play an everything and the sex is awesome while it lasts, but I want to be able to go for hours, having him cum and keep going. Is this possible, is there something I can do to keep him hard after he cums?

This is just how guys work, sweetie. Once they have an orgasm and ejaculate, some will be able to get hard again immediately, some will need an hour, some several, and some are done for the day. Women are the same - some need refractory time, others, like me, do not.

Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do to make a guy hard again fast after he has ejaculated if he doesn't already have the ability. If you want hours of fucking, your best bet is to teach him to use toys on you - he can fuck you hard and long with dildos, his hands, certain vegetables, and you never have to worry about him cumming and getting limp.

Your second best options are to prolong the time between erection and ejaculation for him by employing such things as cock rings and exploration of Tantric sex practices. Cock rings come in all different types: some are rubber rings, some are metal, some are leather with snap closures, etc. Tantric sex can also lead to mind-blowing, extended orgasms for you, too, and there are methods that allow a man to have an orgasm without ejaculating and the resultant loss of erection.

My vote would be that you try all of the above because doing so has the potential to result in unintended yet beneficial side-effects: sharing the fun of exploration together should increase your communication, trust and intimacy, and all of those are pluses in both the sex and relationship columns. Have fun, and enjoy!

March 15, 2007

The Good Porn Company

Taking a break from the regularly scheduled program to bring your attention to Violet Blue's column on today.

"But I've never been shocked about this: Google AdWords has a rep for pairing inappropriate (if not offensive) text ads with the original content it's posted with -- especially when it comes to sex. AdWords' insensitivities might seem trifling or even amusing on the surface (let's assume those of you reading my column feel OK about porn enough to disregard the douchey anti-porn ads at the bottom of the page), but those trying to make a positive change in the way their sexuality is portrayed in the wider culture are facing a David vs. Goliath battle of keywords."- Violet Blue
I know the people at and I'm happy to see Sex Positive Activists taking up their cause. They just want to make good porn. Porn that is real. Porn that positively portrays sexuality in all its permutations. Porn that celebrates rather than exploits.

If only the good folks at Google would let them reach their target market.

February 07, 2007

Got Him Pegged


Apologies if you've posted about this before -- I looked through the archives, but I may have missed it.

My boyfriend would like me to penetrate him with a dildo in a strap on harness thing. I've used my fingers and a dildo before, but don't know much about purchasing a strap-on. Are there any websites you can recommend with product reviews or ratings, as well as information on how you know if it fits you?


If you haven't watched them yet, I urge you to pick up a copy of Bend Over Boyfriend and Bend Over Boyfriend 2 and watch them with yours. They'll give you the how-to tips.

As far as equipment goes, keep reading.

Strap-ons can be hit or miss. They're a little awkward for women to get used to - and trust me, the thrusting is going to confound you a little bit at first. Girl hips weren't made to jack-hammer the same way a guy's are. It's going to require you taking an exploratory, this-may-make-us-giggle-as-we-work-it-out approach to fucking him. I've fucked guys in the ass with a strap-on, fucked girls in the pussy with one, too - and I have to say, most of the time, I prefer the hand-helds! The biggest problem, for me, with a strap-on is not being able to feel what you're doing because the cock isn't attached to you. You can still sense resistance, or lack of, while holding a toy cock in your hand: that sense goes away when it's strapped to your pelvis.

Some people recommend the Feeldoe or other toys like the Nexus, both of which have ends that get inserted into your pussy - thus giving you the ability to feel, with your body, what is going on with him. Not as well as with your hand, but MUCH better than with a traditional strap-on dong. The Nexus definitely needs to be use in concert with a harness, unless you have the strongest Kegels in the world. Many people find that the Feeldoe is capable of being used sans harness, but I didn't have success with that. Used with a harness, and the Stout Feeldoe model (the thickest of them), I had one of the longest orgasms of my life while pegging a cute male friend of mine.

I've tried different types of harnesses: leather, nylon, latex ... some with d-rings, some that buckle, some that tighten & loosen like a backpack strap, and so far, in terms of utility and ease of use, I've liked the nylon one the best. They also have the advantage of not being as expensive as other models, which to me is important when trying a new toy. The first harness bought by and ex girlfriend of mine was leather, and expensive, and ultimately we didn't like how cumbersome it was to get on and off, and to adjust. I suspect over time, with use, the leather will relax - but some people don't want the wait and see with sex toys. They want gratification, now!

So, my suggestion would be, at first, to go with a nylon model like this until you know for sure you both even like the whole pegging experience ... and invest in leather or something more expensive down the road.

Good places to look for strap-ons (and sex toys in general), some of which feature staff and user reviews:

Good Vibrations
JT Stockroom
Adam & Eve

January 30, 2007

Womb of Hurt

Long story short. 8 years ago I had a complete hysterectomy and have had not had any sex, let alone much sex drive, ever since. Finally, I find someone I’m interested in and I realize that my vagina is on fire with just a little fingering. Even my yearly exam is excruciatingly painful.

1. What can I do to thicken my vaginal wall? Is it herbs or Chinese medicine or special creams or what? I know this has to be a reversible situation but don’t know where to find relief.

2. With my cervix removed, do I no longer have a “G” spot?

3. Since I have never been excited by anal sex, is this my only recourse to some type of intercourse?

Are you taking estrogen replacement hormones? If not, talk to your doctor about this. Lack of estrogen could be the source of the irritation, because it affects your natural lubricant. Have you tried any lubes while you were being fingered? I'm going to hazard a guess you haven't been doing much masturbating the last 8 years, but now may be the time to start. In a less pressured setting, without a partner, you will feel more relaxed while you explore ... the mental/emotional context is going to be really important, because it *has* been 8 years since you've enjoyed sex (assuming you did in the past). Like riding a bike, you may have to get used to sex feeling good again. Remember how much it hurt when you lost your virginity?

I recommend talking to your doctor, anyway. This is a medical issue, and we have to, in this country, get away from thinking that sex is something we only discuss with our intimate partners. Think of it this way, as it was explained to me by a well-known sex educator recently: doctors have complete access to the human body. They get to cut it open, take things out, put things in, and re-arrange us. They bring us into the world and they're often there as we leave it. But we can't talk to them and they don't ask us about the physiology of the part of the body that facilitates our making? Doesn't that seem strange?

Little rant aside - your doctor is (or should be) capable of discussing medical options with you. If s/he can't, find one who will.

Did they remove your G-Spot? No. The g-spot is lower in the vaginal canal and should not have been affected by your
hysterectomy. But it is internal, so trying to finger it in your current state is going to hurt. Take a look at the diagram above. The g-spot isn't a part of the organ they removed.

Is anal sex now your only recourse?

Oh, honey, noooooooooooo.

Assuming there is no medical way to resolve your painful experience with intercourse, you have many other options! You just have to start thinking beyond penetration. Take hints from lesbians who don't like penetration!

Do you enjoy clit stimulation? Let him practice his cunninglinguistics on you! There are also many toys designed to stimulate the clit and not the vagina. Many women don't experience orgasm through vaginal penetration, anyway, so there are a lot of resources available to you: check out toy sites and pay attention to user reviews.

If part of your worry is about your new guy not having a hole he can fuck - there are ways wherein you can learn to enjoy anal (if you want some tips, let me know), but if you have a serious aversion, what about oral sex? Some men prefer it to traditional intercourse. Then too, hand-jobs are an option. Some couples resolve differences in libido with one partner manually pleasing the other while talking through a fantasy. How about exploring that with him?

I'm assuming you've already told the new guy what's up. If you haven't, you should. Between the two of you, with the millions of avenues of sexuality available on the Internet, I'm confident you can design a fulfilling sex life for the both of you. That level of communication can produce an unexpected and happy side-effect: it brings you emotionally closer.

November 17, 2006

So NOW You Tell Me

After several months together, my boyfriend told me he's a sub. I'm not a prude, I don't regard BDSM as dirty or scary or anything of the sort. It's just not something I've been very interested in with past partners. I'm willing to play along to a point because I love him and there's not a lot I wouldn't do to keep him happy. He means enough to me that I'm willing to test boundaries. I'm old and wise enough to know that while a great sex life isn't the ONLY ingredient of a healthy relationship, it's one that the whole recipe falls apart without. I would like the feedback of the more experienced. Specifically,

1. In past play, I've had handcuffs and the gentle use of riding crop kind of stuff. I'm OK with it, but I'm not sure how far beyond I'm comfortable. I'd like to come right out and ask what his expectations are, but I'd rather do so when we're NOT naked and in the midst. I understand that a lot of the appeal of D&S play is the element of surprise, so how do I start the conversation without asking for a play-by-play?

2. Sometimes, I just want the kind of tender, sweet, earnest sex we have now. This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I very much enjoy making love to him, sitting on the couch and suddenly being consumed with a make-out session that ends in great sex. I know this will sound like a stupid question, but I'll ask it anyway... Once we cross that line, how does one gently say "Honey, tonight, I'd really just like to have regular sex"? Is this considered rude or prudish?

3. If my limits differ from his substantially, are we doomed? I know that people are like snowflakes and all, but are there subs out there with vanilla partners in happy relationships, or are you just suppressing something and feeling deprived? I'd never want him to make a long-term sacrifice of HIS happiness because of MY boundaries. That just wouldn't be fair.

First, I want to commend you for being open to exploring, and for not reacting to your man with scorn. I can tell you he agonized over how and when to bring it up to you, and it says a lot about you, him, and your relationship that he felt that he could - and that you are here asking these questions. From where I'm typing, you are miles ahead of the game.

There are as many ways to structure a kinky relationship as there are kinky relationships. If you both communicate your wants and needs to each other and are willing to compromise and be good, giving and game (to quote Dan Savage), neither one of you needs to feel as though they are missing something they need. The cool thing about being the Dominant partner is you get to set the pace, and ensure your needs are being met as well as those of your sub. If you need the loving romanticism and non-BDSM sex, you build that into your dynamic as you negotiate the rules between you.

Personally, in my BDSM relationships, while there was some role-permanency, there was also a lot of hot, vanilla sex. You don’t have to beat and humiliate and overtly dominate him every encounter. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to say “Darling, tonight I want you to make love to me.” And if you feel like it, you can always amend that by adding “And if you’re good, you’ll get a reward at another time”. Reward in that sense can mean anything you want it to - even punishment such as spanking, if that is a reward to him. It's a fallacy that at every moment you need to be actively dominating him. With my former Domme, it gave me great pleasure to "service" her, to let her lie back and experience ecstacy at my very eager tongue, fingers, toys, and otherwise worhsip her body like the goddess she was (is) to me.

I think one of the common misconceptions held by people who haven't traveled in the BDSM world is that the Dominant is supposed to know what the submissive wants without the submissive's input. You risk doing something he wouldn't want or that might damage his trust in you if you haven't had long discussions about what his submissive needs are. He should be able to tell you the things he likes and wants. That doesn't mean you follow a script. It means you know his likes, and pick and choose among them at any given time. Eventually, if you're into it and he is ready, you push his boundaries a little.

It is most likely that he has enough interests to keep you rotating through many, rather than having to act out a specific scene each time. I have also found BDSM checklists to be a useful tool to exchange between sub and Dom(me). They list literally hundreds of acts/interests, and allow each person to rank them, from wild turn on, to not willing at all. If you join, they have a list with question marks you can click on for a definition if you don't know the word or phrase. It's free to join - I did this several years ago specifically to send the checklist to my now ex-girlfriend/Domme.

This is going to be a negotiation process, for both of you. It can be a hot one, or it can be clinical, or it can be something in between. Communication is a big theme on this blog. I truly believe that if you say to your boyfriend everything you’ve written here, and express all your concerns, and allow him to do the same, you can easily navigate the pitfalls of a relationship where one partner starts out more kinky, or with more kink experience, or a stronger kink desire, than the other. You are dead-on in thinking naked time isn’t the best time for these negotiations.

I can’t say if your relationship is doomed if his limits are much beyond yours. It doesn’t have to be, but I think that depends on how satisfied you both are with other parts of the relationship, as well. I think you’re in a good place because you’re here, and willing to at least try this out for him. If one of you begins to become resentful that needs aren’t being met, it is quite possible this can be a deal breaker. But that doesn’t mean you should try to be something you’re not, and nor should he. There are also many ways to navigate around that. How would you feel about him seeing a Pro-Domme or non-relationship Domme for some of the more extreme things? You can set rules about that, too: like, no sex, only BDSM play.

Constantly check in and re-negotiate as needed, and chances are the two of you will be fine. That said, there is no shame in admitting an incompatibility before you damage each other greatly, and ending something that doesn’t work for one or both of you. That doesn’t mean there was never any love. It just means you recognize you want different things from life and a relationship, and allow each other to move on and find what will make them most happy. I don’t get the sense you’re headed in that direction, but I would be remiss in telling you that everything will definitely be fine.

August 27, 2006

Web Dating - Fantasy vs. Reality


I met this girl online in early may, we ended up talking online very very, much. We decided we liked each other, but she didn't want a long distance relationship. So around late may I found out she had a web cam, so I went and bought one. So just about every day, we would talk and chat with the web cam on, to make it feel more real. Then we started masturbating to each other on the web cams, pretty much every night. Then she'd say stuff to me like "I'm going to take your virginity" etc.

So around early July I decide I like this girl so much, and I fly out to see her for 2 weeks. So I'm there and the first night, (mind you I'm a virgin and have no experience with pussy at all) she has me start rubbing her clit, and then like 5 minutes later I go and start licking her clit. I'd say around 20 minutes later she orgasms, and it felt like she squirted on my face, but I'm not sure. And that's all we do that night.

Then the 2nd night I'm there, I start rubbing her clit again, then lick her clit again for about the same amount of time and she orgasms, then I finger her vagina for around 10 minutes, and that's all there was that night. Then the 3rd night was the same as the 2nd but I sucked on her nipples and played with her boobs, but that's all we did. Then the 4th night I end up licking her clit and fingering her vagina at the same time for about an hour and a half, and she has this amazing orgasm, and that's all we did that night.

Then the rest of the time I was there after that, there wasn't anything sexual, and she started to treat me very rudely. I'm just wondering why wouldn't she do anything to me? or Why wouldn't she have sex with me? I've been in a very hard depression ever since, and me and her hardly talk now.

You poor thing.

You just found out one of the ways internet dating can go wrong.

Why wouldn't she fuck you or give you any reciprocal pleasure? Who knows. Maybe she wasn't attracted to you in person. Maybe she found your attentions too amateurish and after a couple of attempts didn't want to try again, or go any further. Maybe she's a selfish bitch who uses impressionable guys. Maybe she's confused, and young, and doesn't know what the fuck she's doing when something isn't what she expected and hasn't figured out to treat other people in those situations.

The point is, why doesn't really matter. It's possible you will never know. It happened, and it hurt you. You put a lot of effort into fashioning a relationship with her online and over the phone. Through your interaction, you both built up idealized versions of each other based in part on projection of your needs onto each other. You shared a joint fantasy about what a potential relationship would be like. The reality, as it often is, was different, and in the heat of the moment, you had not considered that as a possible outcome.

It's okay for you to feel badly about the way things turned out. She didn't behave well. But you need to reflect a bit and acknowledge that what you lost was, at least in part, a fantasy. Sad, certainly, but not something to fall into a sustained depression over. I'm guessing you're fairly young, and that being the case, you will have plenty of opportunity to find a girl with whom to have a relationship, who won't just take advantage of you and then become non-communicative.

The one big lesson for you to take away from this is that while romances built on the internet can turn into to loving, lasting relationships, true chemistry, attraction and compatibility can't be gauged until you spend real time with someone.

August 25, 2006

Web Dating - so much potential!

Dear Serrephim,

Love your blog, I'm glad I found it. Anyways I wanted to know your opinion on relationships started on the Internet. I recently "met" this guy on the net while visiting a chat room and I seem to be attracted to him, despite never meeting him in person. Should I steer away from this or see where it goes.


Searching the Web

Dear Searching:

I'm all for relationships that start online. They are losing their stigma. It's no longer the refuge of geeks and social misfits who are too timid to go out and find love/sex/friendship/relationships/insert-label-here. Modern life, particularly modern American life, lends itself to this kind of meeting. Think about the time many people spend in front of computers. Think about the amount of time people spend commuting to and from jobs. Think about all the people like me, who go to school and work full time.

Many of us don't have time to do the things people used to do to find romance before the internet explosion. Once you leave university, or have settled into a career, it can become exceedingly hard to meet new friends or potential significant others. Many people have lives that provide them with a very limited sphere of influence. You know who you know, and short of joining activity groups and hanging out in singles bars, you're unlikely to meet many new people. So, your friends start setting you up on blind dates. There is no reason that is acceptable and blind internet dating is not. How are they vastly different? Your friends usually don't set you up with people they know incredibly well, and at least with someone you've met online, you have to opportunity to learn intimate details about them (provided they are being honest) before you ever agree to meet someone.

But I digress, so let me back up. You didn't ask about dating. You just want to know if it's ok to pursue something with this guy beyond chat. And I say, why not? You are interested in him so far. Sure, he could be misrepresenting himself, or be a total tool, or he could be everything you want on paper, and if you meet him, there's no chemistry. But he could just as easily be exactly as he portrays himself, someone you'd like to know better, and the two of you could have all the chemistry in the world.

So my vote is: see where it goes. Correspond with him. See if there's more to your attraction than what is already there. Move to phone conversations if you feel comfortable. It's easier to get a sense of someone if you can hear them. When the time comes and one of you suggests an in-person meeting, be smart about it. Do it in a public place. Make it a short date, like for coffee or a drink, that you could lengthen if you need to. Don't plan a dinner date. Good god, there's nothing worse than staring at a stranger across a table trying to eat a nice dinner when both of you would really rather run out the door. A drink/coffee is low-pressure. And you can always have another. Or decide to make it into a meal. Make sure a friend knows where you will be, and make sure to arrange a check in time.

There are other ways you can play the in-person meeting very safely. If it gets to that point with Mr. Internet, hit me back up and I'll lay those out for you, too. In the meantime, don't write him off! He could be your Mr. Right.

August 04, 2006

Group Dynamics

This week my husband and I have introduced friends of ours into our sex life. I had my first f/f experience, it did not turn out like the hubby's wanted. She fucked me with a strapon, I couldn't cum and hubby fucked me while she rubbed my clit. Her husband jerked off during this. He asked if he could fuck me, I declined. We are getting together Saturday night for another round, they talk like there are no limits, I know he wants to fuck me and he is bi, he wanted to suck hubby. We are not really comfortable with the no holes barred rule. How do we handle this, we don't want to ruin our friendship with them, but I know our expectations about Sat. Are different. I have never done anything like this before this week, I don't want the unknown to bite my ass.

Hubby and I talked and he is OK if the other hubby fucks me, I'm undecided. I don't really think he can do anything for me, I'm no size queen but his dick is ittybitty. Anyway, any advice you can give will be needed.

From the way you write, I'm not even certain you want to be participating in group play with this couple at all, and are letting your husband's desires drive this forward. If that's the case, you really do need to be honest with him and let him know you don't feel good about this: in the long run, it's you and your emotions he's going to have to deal with, not the other couples'. Your first loyalty and concern should be for each other, and he's not going to feel good if he ultimately feels he forced you into something you didn't want.

But let's assume you do want group play, and merely have reservations about certain activities.

If you can manage, I would suggest you call off this weekend in as socially delicate a way as possible. Group play should be entered into with some degree of nervous anticipation, not with dread. You're so anxious about this, I'm worried you're going to get there, do whatever they want out of some sense of keeping social harmony, and regret every last minute of your time together later. That alone is going to put a strain on your relationship with them, far worse than postponing so you can have a discussion that will lead to a satisfying, happy encounter for all of you.

If you feel like you can't do that, you're going to have to have a talk with the couple about expectations before you start getting naked. Ideally this would be done in advance of the play date, but it looks like we've got minimal time here, so it looks like you're going to have to do it right before the main event.

It's good you and your husband have come to an understanding about whether or not it's ok for you to fuck the other guy, but I think I'm picking up that you haven't really discussed other things that are ok, and the things that make you uncomfortable. You have to do this, or you and hubby are likely to both be disappointed and unhappy with the encounter.

The step after that involves doing the same with the other couple. If you're comfortable enough to be naked with them, you have to be comfortable enough to talk to them about your individual desires, expectations, and limits. Set parameters. I can't say it enough ways: communication is key.

Your friends are coming from a good place: they're happy and excited to find like-minded souls, and like people do with so many things, are jumping into the pool cannon-ball style. You and hubby, on the other hand, are wading into the shallow end of the pool. That's ok. And
it's ok for you to negotiate. Be as plain and unequivocal as you can. "We're ok with X, but Y is not an option". Oh, and I wouldn't tell your friend you don't want him to fuck you because you think his cock is too small. Make it more an issue about agreements between you and hubby. If they've been doing this for a while, they'll understand. If they're as green as you, in the end, they'll appreciate knowing they haven't crossed any boundaries or done something to put your friendship in jeopardy.

This is play time. It's supposed to be fun. But everyone has to be playing by the same rules, you know?

June 11, 2006

Minute Men

I just went out with an older man who hasn't had sex with anyone other than his ex-wife in 10 years. And he warned me that he was going to be quick. (A two-pump dump chump...if you will.) Now, we fucked, he came after I rode him for around 4 seconds. No problem! Just get hard and do it again. He got hard, tried again, with no real stamina. AGAIN. Most recently, I thought a nice, slow blow job would work. Two seconds with my mouth, and done. Don't guys have the option of jacking off to slow their response? Can't he manage this? If I am being a bitch, please let me know. Thanks.

You're not being a bitch, but neither of you is being very creative. There is SO much more to sex than cock in pussy, and he needs to learn how to satisfy *you* before he gets his cock anywhere near your pussy. And you need to understand that there are ways for him to do this. With his hands. Or his mouth. Or toys. Or vegetables. Or any or all of the above.

What you should not do is pressure him or make him feel inadequate - that will only make it more difficult for him to get and stay hard.

I don't think jacking off will stave off his orgasm. Stimulation is stimulation no matter what form it takes. He may want to try thinking about sports or something else that is distracting but not likely to make him go soft (like his mother).

Hopefully after he has more experience with you he'll be able to hold off, but you, and likely he, need to stop thinking that it's his hard dick that needs to do all the work. If he can't get hard after cumming so quickly, and has no stamina if he manages to get hard, you're going to need to employ other methods of his bringing you pleasure.

May 23, 2006

No Glove, No Love.

I am one of those people who always does the right thing, puts the gum back in the wrapper before throwing it away, never steals hotel towels, etc.

But last Thursday (six days ago), I was spending the night with a girl I had just met the day before, and we started to have sex. She complained that the condom was possibly affecting my performance, so she threw it away. She then looked me in the eyes, and said "don't worry, I just had my period, so I won't get pregnant." In the end, I came inside her. I have had very few sexual experiences, and had heard that "if you're not using a condom, it doesn't make a difference anyway."

I had not had "any" for over two years, and the whole thing happened so quickly, I just did it, and I only started to really worry a couple of days ago.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I am at a point in my life where a baby would be a complete and total catastrophe (I am renting a tiny bedroom, several months behind on some bills, etc.) I recently got a new job, so I am slowly working out of the hole I'm dug into, but would not be able to handle anything like this.

I also worried about HIV. I have only had three experiences in my life, and the prior one was over two years ago. I know that someone can be asimptomatic for several years, but a blood test I had over a year ago didn't show anything (although I don't think it tested for HIV specifically). She has only been with one man her whole life, although again, it's possible that that man was with other women. The only solution to that worry is to get tested in six months (as I understand that the antibodies don't begin to generate for several weeks/months, and are not perceptible right away).

I am really more worried that it's possible she's pregnant. I talked with her today, and she mentioned that she's not ready for a baby either, that she has health insurance and she would rather "take care of it" if it did happen.

If in fact, she is not pregnant, ... and neither of us has any conditions, I will be a changed man from this experience. You will not find me anywhere near a naked woman, unless I am in love with her and ready to have children with her.

This has been a nightmare so far!



I'm not so sure I can tell you anything you don't already know. You fucked up. Literally. But you know this, and you're paying the price in guilt and worry. Chalk it up to a life lesson - most of us have had an "oops" of the sort you describe. And by "oops" I mean, "yeah, I know I shouldn't do this without a condom, but what the hell, I'm going to do it anyway and I won't think about the consequences until later". Then it's later and you think to yourself "What the FUCK did I do? It wasn't even worth it." And you don't do it again.

I think swearing off women forever until you find the woman you'll marry is a bit of an extreme response to the incident in question. I'd understand it a little more if she DID end up pregnant, or if she confessed after the fact that she had HIV or another STI. But neither of those things happened. Just run your little butt down to your local anonymous HIV testing site when it's been 3 months since your unprotected encounter. And do it again 3 months later, just to be on the safe side.

While I do commend your attitude about not doing something if you're not willing to accept the consequences of your actions, - maybe you could think out of the box a little bit? There is SO much more to sex than penis-vagina intercourse. There are plenty of things you can do with a woman that don't involve your cock being anywhere near her pussy, making pregnancy very, very unlikely. You still have to worry about STIs, of course ... but there is little (although there is some) risk involved in non-penetrative sexual activity.

I think you're beating yourself up a little too much about this. Consider it a bullet dodged, and from now on, keep a safety on your gun.